What’s Killing Relationships & How To Repair Them

What’s Killing Relationships & How To Repair Them answers common questions about major relationship issues.

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Why Relationships fail?

young loving couple on natural background

Why relationships fail is a big question many couples face.  The reason these relationships fail is because they are relying on he wrong form of love.

The answer goes back to a book written many years ago.  Do laugh but that book is called the Bible.  Relationships are its number one topic.  It shows how people have trouble with relationships and how God had a plan to fix them.  God’s ultimate goal for people is agape love which means love that is giving of ourselves to make the other person better.  Many authors have written books on this topic but nobody still comes close to the complete answer.  The Bible explains there are many types of love

Let me explain why this is so.  When a couple is first attracted to each other this type of love is called eros. His love is only based on physical attraction and nothing more.  hat is why relationships based on this love seldom last.  God warns humans not to get into sexual relationships before marriage for a good reason.  Eros type of love eventually ends.

In order for a relationship to last there needs to be a higher form of present called agape.  Agape love is the type of sacrificial love that causes only to even give up their life for the  person they love.  This is the type of love God gives us.  There is a decision to put the other person first (commitment).

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

In others words I  serve the one I love and protecting them no matter what else happens.  There is only one team and both persons work together for the same goals.  We are to work hard to keep the other person higher than us.  That is the secret many people fail to realize until it is too late.  Make the decision to put the other person first in your life.  Do not rush to marry someone until you can do that.  We are to put them first whether they are sick or healthy; rich or poor.

I hope this helps you see how important it is to be able to put others first in your life.  If you can not do this then a relationship is not for you now.

The best thing is if we humble ourselves and go to God for help He will do so!!! Once we are past this obstacle then we can share a close relationship with another person.

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Improve Your Relationship

Loving couple

It is possible to improve your relationship.  It can be tough when you feel like your relationship is on the rocks. If you are not ready to throw in the towel though, you need to do what you can to save it. You will not regret such efforts in the end so give it a shot. You may be wondering how am I going to fix this relationship? It is almost past repair. There are steps you can take that will help regardless of what is going on.

Be honest with your partner about what the problems are. Chances are they already know the relationship has hit a tough patch. Let them know you are concerned about it and that you do want to do whatever you can to repair the damage and move on. Hopefully, both of you are on the same page and do want the relationship to work. If your partner is not  sure, then it will be more difficult to fix things, but not impossible, so do not give up.

Listen in a kind and open way to what your partner has to say as well and how they feel, relationship problems are always a two way street, two different opinions, two different solutions, typically. Be willing to allow your significant other an opinion, and be open to their form of a solution. Communication is always the key. Speaking clearing, and openly about what you feel is wrong without blaming your partner. Be aware that you do not want to put them on the defense. Speak with an open heart and mind. Wait until you have calmed down before starting the conversation. First take a walk, meditate, play with the dog. Likewise, you need to be willing to listen without speaking up in judgment, so he/she can tell you what they feel is wrong too.

Some small things you may be able to fix right then and there. For example, your partner may feel taken for granted that you do not call when you are going to be late for plans the two of you have made. You can agree to always call if you will be late or explain why you can not. You may be in a business meeting and it may not be possible to grab your phone and make that call or text. If they know the circumstances, they can be more accepting when it happens.

How to fix a relationship involves both of you working on solutions, in a conscious manner, with an awareness to staying in your kind place, trying your best to have an open heart during it all.

Once the problems are out in the open, you will both feel much better. Pick one issue at a time and write down some possible solutions to make it better. Do this with each of your situations and put it all on paper.  Do not panic if there are lots of things to fix in the relationship, just focus on what you can work on right now. One step at a time.

Some issues for example, such as trust, are going to take time to work out. It does not  matter if the partner has a reason not to trust you or just their perception. Work on making the things better that you can right away. Make a pact to work as a team to work on the other issues in the long term.

Sometimes, the fix in relationship issues involves getting outside help. It just does work to follow tried and true methods that professionals have been trained to walk couples through together. This does not mean you run to your friends and family for advice, while your partner goes to his drinking buddies for a listening ear, either. It takes a commitment to learn new ways of doing things, healthy, kind and loving communication and being willing to keep it between yourselves while it is sorting out.

Individual and couple counseling or even online courses could help you to see things differently than before. You do not have to be married to go to couples counseling either. If the relationship matters to you, then speak up and let it be known that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.


Relationship Tidbit:

The next time you find yourself dreaming about living significantly or succeeding in your career or being a better parent than yours were to you, do the world a favor: Go home and love your husband/wife.

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Burned Biscuits – A lesson we should learn

burned biscuits 

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! All my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do rememberwatching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing…never made a face nor uttered a word about it!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said, “Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then.”Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Mom put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides–a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!” As I’ve grown older, I’ve thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.  I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.And that’s my prayer for you today…that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal-breaker!
“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket–keep it in your own.”  So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine. Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. “Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil–it has no point”

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Part 8 – Marriage Counseling & Relationship Advice – Bishop T.D Jakes

This is marriage counseling & relationship advice we all can use.

Pastor Thomas Dexter “T.D.” Jakes  is the bishop/chief pastor of The Potter’s House, a non-denominational American mega-church, with 30,000 members.  His emphasis is on keeping the family together.  He offers unique insights on relationships and that is why he is included on this site.


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